Those who can count and those who can't !!!!

	Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle. They head to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem. The owner comes over and asks if he can help them. "Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere," says Gerry. The owner puts the budgies in a paper bag. Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's pick-up and drive to the top of the Conor Pass. At the Conor Pass, Gerry looks down at the1000-foot drop and says:"Dis looks like a grand place." He takes two birds out of the bag, puts them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff. Paddy watches as Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead. Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says:"Feck dat. Dis budgie jumping is too feckin' dangerous for me." PART TWO: Moments later Seamus arrives up at Conor Pass. He's been to the pet shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another paper bag in one hand and a shotgun in the other. "Hi, Paddy. Watch dis," Seamus says. He takes a parrot from the bag and throws himself over the edge of the cliff. Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and shoots the parrot. Seamus continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone in his body. Paddy shakes his head and says, "And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either."
PART THREE: Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Sean appears. He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a paper bag out of which he pulls a chicken. Sean then hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine. Once more Paddy shakes his head "Feck that Lads. First der was Gerry with his budgie jumping,den Seamus parrotshooting ... and now Sean is feckin' hengliding."
A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on a plane when he turns to Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger. "What would you like to discuss?" "Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?" "OK," said Little Johnny. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. "A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?" "Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea." "Well, then," said Little Johnny, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know sh*t?
Newspaper funnies "A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth was yesterday rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coastguard spokesman commented, "this sort of thing is all too common". (The Times) "Commenting on a complaint from a Mr Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North West gas said "We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It's possible Mr Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that blew his house to pieces." (Bangkok Post) "Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because they cannot issue a description. It's a Special Branch vehicle, and they don't want the public to know what it looks like." (The Guardian)